A tax attorney, a merchant account, and a bankruptcy claim – it sounds like a teaser for the lastest Hollywood blockbuster, in which the tax attorney turns out to be a vampire with a soul, and saves Eliza Dushku from bankrupcy in the nick of time …

It’s hard to find original writing on the internet these days, with the articles directories filling up with rehashed versions of their existing articles, spun within an inch of their lives and given an Indian or Philippino grammatical twist.

However, I digress. Rants about the quality of the latest offerings online can be saved for a later blog post. We are here to talk about the tax attorney, the merchant account, and the bankruptcy claim.

The average person doesn’t think much about a tax attorney, but this article gives an interesting insight into “Why Hire A Tax Attorney?”, and got me to thinking.

We’re all a bit intimidated by the IRS, let’s face it. We hope we will never be audited, and we try not to think about how we would cope if we were. The truth is that a good tax attorney can not only minimise any tax bill you receive, he or she could even make the IRS go away and leave you alone!

In the climactic scene, the vampire-with-a-soul tax attorney shows his “scary face”, and the IRS auditors flee in terror – Eliza is saved!

And how did Eliza get her pretty little tushie in hot water in the first place?

You guessed it – her merchant account.

Poor little Eliza just wanted to accept credit card payment on her website. She found she could accept credit card payment using the services of a small bank in an Eastern European country. Little did she know that the CEO of the bank, a Transylvanian gentleman of uncertain lineage with very pointy teeth, had a cunning plan to strip the bank of its assets and declare it bankrupt – on Christmas Eve!

When you accept credit card payment on your website, you face many risks. Eliza knew that to accept credit card payment she would have to be alert for fraudulent charges from her supposed customers, but in her naiivete, she assumed that banks were always trustworthy.

Now Eliza’s desire to accept credit card payment has been her undoing. So many customers rushed to take advantage of her new shopping cart, which allowed her to accept credit card payment, that her bank account swelled to epic proportions in the Christmas rush.

Eliza celebrated her new-found ability to accept credit card payment, and her compounding profits, by charging up her own credit card with expensive luxury gifts for her friends – and herself.

When the evil villain closed down the First National Bank of Transylvania, Eliza’s profits vanished, her business was crippled, and she was left with hundreds of thousands of dollars in credit card debt.

She was valiantly struggling along, making the minimum payments, when the IRS sent her a demand that she pay Federal income taxes on the vanished millions. Eliza would have no choice but to make a bankruptcy claim!

Fortunately for Eliza, a friend knew of a tax attorney with a soul. Enter, tax attorney, stage left, exit IRS agents, stage right … no more bankruptcy claim for Eliza.

She melts into the arms of the devilishly handsome tax attorney, and heaves a sigh of relief.

“You’re an angel,” she murmurs … roll the credits …